I used to reject the idea that I needed external validation to feel happy, because I believed happiness was supposed to come from within. Later I accepted it reluctantly, telling myself that we all have our flaws and this was just one of mine. Now I see it differently. It is not a flaw at all.

It is not about validation. It is about respect.

Most people don’t treat you based on who you are as a person. They treat you based on what you have done. It sounds harsh, but it explains reality better than any optimistic myth. People respect you to the extent of your achievements and quietly distance themselves to the extent of your failures.

Money is what separates side projects from startups.

Fame is what separates an actor from a star.

Power is what separates an internet activist from political parties.

Respect is what separates a dependent from an equal.

This is where many of us get confused. We think we are sad or dissatisfied because we lack love, and that love should make us feel complete. But love without respect feels like pity. You can have people who care about you deeply and still feel empty, because none of them look at you with respect. None of them see you as someone worth prioritizing.

Respect is a different currency. You can even hate someone and still respect them because of what they have built or who they have become. Kids don’t break down because nobody loves them. They break down because nobody takes them seriously, because nobody reflects dignity back to them.

It is not wrong to seek respect and work toward it, even if accepting that reality makes you sad at times and the effort itself feels uncomfortable. In fact, it is the morally right thing to do. It is important to feel special, chosen, and respected.